Lionhearted

I began this year at my lowest low. Emptied of everything. I was ready to rest and be still. Even in the midst of unhealth, I chose my word for 2020:

LIONHEARTED

I’m in a healthier place, but I’m struggling to be confident that what I’ve gone through (deep clinical depression) has made me stronger and not weak. As I’ve been in consistent counseling, one of the reoccurring themes has been my unwillingness to show weakness; whether it is through vulnerability, tears, slowing my pace, or sharing painful experiences. I’ve expressed to my counselor multiple times that if there was a healthy procedure to remove my tear ducts, I would do it in a heartbeat. While I don’t mind seeing other people cry, there is nothing I hate more than feeling that initial nudge in my throat, and the prickle of wetness in my eye sockets when I get emotional. The first thought that goes through my head is:

“THESE EMOTIONS CAN’T BE TRUSTED.”

But God keeps reminding me that vulnerability, tears, and showing my emotions is not a sign of weakness. I’ve been reading in the book of Genesis about Joseph (you know, the one who wore the beautiful, colorful coat of many colors?) and over and over he weeps. As I’ve been reading it, I’m like, “Dude, you were thrown in a pit, sold into slavery, and tossed in jail for over 2 years, have some tougher skin!” But here’s the thing- Jesus also wept. I’m not even going to entertain the thought that Jesus, the guy who went through the greatest pain and suffering as a guilt-free Son of God, was weak.

So what am I getting at here? That my emotions, my tears, and the times when I choose to show vulnerability are not moments of weakness, but of bravery. And I don’t want these bits of bravery to be self-induced or self-glorifying, but to reflect how I am closely in-tune with the Sovereign Spirit of God. It’s easy when you feel weak to care way too much about what others are thinking of you, and I’ve fallen victim to this more times than I can tell you in my life, but especially in this current season.

In Deuteronomy 31:6 it says:

“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.”

I memorized this a month or so ago, and in times of uncertainty, doubt, and timidness, I repeat it to myself over and over. God has not made me, or you, to be fearful of this world. He has made us brave and courageous as he slowly builds up our character through steady perseverance. This dark, painful season has only strengthened that bravery and courage in me.

Proverbs 28:1 says that, “…The righteous are as bold as a lion.”

God tells Joshua to be, “strong and courageous” six times. It’s a matter of being willing to seek after Christ and be willing to take hold of that courage for Him, despite your circumstances. The important part here is clinging tightly to God’s Truth, because without it, it’s impossible to know what true, righteous bravery and courage is; what to stick up for and what to let go of with grace.

I’ve been reading through the book Replenish by Lance Witt, and there is a chapter on having courage that is staked firmly in the Lord. He gives Ambrose Redmoon’s definition of courage:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”

If I am seeking after Christ and resting in His promises, I will have the strength to stand up for what I believe is true with courage and bravery. I won’t need to worry about what people think or whether or not they approve of me and how I “perform”. I have to remind myself over and over that this life is not about me! This lionheartedness isn’t even about me, but about a Creator who can take the broken and weary and transform them into something bold and beautiful.

If you could pick a word to focus on for the year (or you already did) what would it be? I’d love to hear from you.

Leave a message or DM me via FB/IG.

**This week, a sweet girl named Emma Jenkins released some shirts, and one of them is the perfect fit for this season of my life (see below). She has a bunch of other shirts available as well with really cool God stories behind them. Visit THIS site to check them out.